I have been going through a lot of changes over the years (it started about 6 years ago), when I had my first heart palpitation, and I started showing signs of enemia and /or hyperthyroidism (hair falling out and dulling, gaining weight for the first time in my life (I began to increase my mineral intake through my diet). At that point too, I developed very small fibroids in my breasts. I also started spotting and eventually, about two years ago, started getting two periods in one month (I've always been a spot on 28 days, last for 4 days kind of woman). As it is now, through the mineral increase, some turmeric, and French green clay, my hair is fine, my weight is balanced, my thyroid is calmed, and I spot during ovulation and my period is only a day and a half long, although heavier than it used to be. Cramping continues for a bit after though..... That's the physical.
The last two years the ragey feelings have slowly gotten worse. This year in particular I'm feeling like I've seen werewolfs feel when they turn for the first time, in the movies of course , but instead of just changing, I feel like I'm also shedding a very thick skin. There's no control, and luckily happens more when I'm alone than not. I've been emotional his summer, crying so easily. I'm walking through life calling people on their crap, nicely (cautiously aware of the rage), and they're not liking it.
Lately though, the rage has either calmed or maybe has plateaued and is constantly there but I don't realise it is? and the weepiness has quieted, but I've been experiencing severe dizziness and anxiety, where my heart feels like it's on the edge of palpitating but doesn't, my heart chakra fluctuating in waves or bubbles. Underneath all this, I'm actually fine! It's very remarkable.
It's been a long road, and it's only recently, I've actually recognised most of this as perimenopause, maybe because I'm only 41? In any case I'm starting to take steps herbally and it's helped.
After all that... is there anyway of looking at the severity of the signs and knowing you're almost at the end? Can that too be determined by what our mothers experienced?
I don't know.... maybe I just need someone to say this will all pass?
EDIT: I'm reading the menopause section of "Women's bodies, Women's Wisdom", and that's helping me focus on the strength and solidity I feel along side all the above, and trust in it.
Menopause is quite a metamorphosis. Susun Weed once said to me that the more powerful the woman is the more difficult the menopause. I started menopause at about age 37. I am post menopausal now and I just realized one day that I was through it.
The best thing is the nourishing herbal infusions, eat whole food, take lot of time for yourself and especially in nature and to cultivate self-love.
It is an amazing journey.
Blessings on this path, Julie
I just talked to my mom and she said she was 45ish when she started feeling like her whole personality changed, and just before that her menstruation had begun to change. And my sister, who is three years older than I am has apparently just started too. "Everyone wants to know that lately!" my mom said. Ha ha!
While working on my clients, I noticed a few months ago my wings have turned from white to black. Yesterday, I looked and saw blood dripping from the feathers (It didn't alarm me, it felt like part of the process), so I started breathing into them. It opened my wings and the energy that was churning in my abdomen began to spread , and fill my body, but also my crown and root chakras, both, opened on a different level and the excess energy passed through and out of me. It feels like when I let the wind fill me and pass through me. I feel connected to everything and the powerful energy of everything runs through my entire being.
Unfortunately, it's hard to maintain, but I've been trying throughout the day today.
What it made me realize is that it's not really rage, it's just a force so powerful it's beyond the body's human capacity, and it's being held in such a small place while it churns trying to figure out where to go.
I'll continue working with the uterine energy (I feel there's much to learn from it) along with the infusions (I've signed up for the infusion correspondence course), but not oatstraw - it makes me look like I'm in my second trimester within 2 minutes of drinking a cup; I took that as a sign as not being right for my body. I'll pick up and/or make some tinctures of vitex and motherwort too.
Again, thank you!
I'll let you know how I do once I implement the tinctures, just in case this is helping someone out there.
I do think I got off easy, though; perimenopause was the first time I had emotional reactions to my cycle (my PMS had always been purely physical, and had lasted a couple days into my period). And I had worse hot flashes in my late teens than I did in perimenopause.
So everybody is different indeed.
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